Monday, August 1, 2011

Friends With Benefits

Saw this adorable movie yesterday.  It's funny how Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman both made movies about casual sex within a year of Black Swan.  I have to say, Mila Kunis' is way better.  This movie was shockingly hilarious.  I went with the expectation that it would just be kind of cute and corny like No Strings Attached, but honestly it had me stitches.  

Here's the thing I've been thinking about, as someone who has tried the whole Friends With Benefits thing.  Obviously it never works.  But why doesn't it work?  Is it really because feelings get in the way?  Or is it more because you start to realize that using someone's body as a scratching post isn't really the friend-liest thing to do?

The movie hits on this.  It hits on the whole feelings thing to.  But Mila Kunis' character starts questioning her friendship with Justin Timberlake's character not because of her feelings for him, but because she overhears him being a complete douchebag.  She loses her trust for him.  He disrespects her.  They still end up together (fuck romantic comedies) but the point is that true friendships are based on mutual trust and respect.

The thing I love is that Mila and Justin have this fabulous conversation about how sex is really just a physical act, like playing tennis.  People who play tennis don't need to cuddle afterwards or spend the rest of their lives together.  They just shake, say good game, and move on.  It makes so much sense.  And yet, I also know as a woman I am biologically programmed to seek security.  From a purely biological standpoint, I want this dude to stick around and father my child I guess.  And when I find out that he's not that into that, I lose my sense of security, lose my sense of trust, and WHAMM-O!  Bye bye friendship!

So there ya go!  There is my highly scientific and highly researched theory on why friends with benefits is never ever going to work.  

P.S. I would love to hear from you if you've actually made a relationship like this work.  Or if you managed to stay friends.  Or if you ended up together.  So if you have a story, please email me at

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