Sex Dream #2

That's right folks.  Last night I had my second sex dream about the same man this week.  This time we were playing some kind of drunken party game which involved making out with the person next to you.  Of course, I was paired up with this guy.  We were making out much longer than any of the other pairs.  Actually, I remember hearing someone else playing the game saying something about it.  But neither of us cared.

Eventually, we somehow ended up in a bedroom.  He was telling me that he had three prospective girlfriends, but that my kissing had been so awesome that it confused him.  It didn't take long before we were hooking up.  I'll spare you from the details.  All of the sudden in the middle of it, he stops and starts laughing at me.  He says, "Do you even know how to do this?"  He starts railing me on my sexual prowess, telling me how awful I am at it and making it clear that from this point onwards I stand no chance with him.

Now in real life, this guy was very aware of the fact I am still a virgin.  In fact, he was really turned on by it.  And he gave me plenty of positive reinforcement.  That was part of why the hook up was so fun for me and why I seriously considered losing it to him.  But in this dream, he made me feel awful.  I remember screaming at him, "there's a person inside this body!"

It seems as if every dream I have about this guy has some element of shame and embarrassment.  I don't regret hooking up with this guy in real life at all.  But I think it uncovered a lot of anxiety about my abilities and the act itself.  That and my confusion over whether I should wait or just grab the closest and easiest guy and go for it.  Maybe my brain is just spitting it back at me, and the only way it knows how to do it is to use my most recent affair.  The dangerous part of this is that no matter how awful I feel in the dream, I still wake up and think about calling him for a booty call.  Yikes!

Friends With Benefits

Saw this adorable movie yesterday.  It's funny how Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman both made movies about casual sex within a year of Black Swan.  I have to say, Mila Kunis' is way better.  This movie was shockingly hilarious.  I went with the expectation that it would just be kind of cute and corny like No Strings Attached, but honestly it had me stitches.  

Here's the thing I've been thinking about, as someone who has tried the whole Friends With Benefits thing.  Obviously it never works.  But why doesn't it work?  Is it really because feelings get in the way?  Or is it more because you start to realize that using someone's body as a scratching post isn't really the friend-liest thing to do?

The movie hits on this.  It hits on the whole feelings thing to.  But Mila Kunis' character starts questioning her friendship with Justin Timberlake's character not because of her feelings for him, but because she overhears him being a complete douchebag.  She loses her trust for him.  He disrespects her.  They still end up together (fuck romantic comedies) but the point is that true friendships are based on mutual trust and respect.

The thing I love is that Mila and Justin have this fabulous conversation about how sex is really just a physical act, like playing tennis.  People who play tennis don't need to cuddle afterwards or spend the rest of their lives together.  They just shake, say good game, and move on.  It makes so much sense.  And yet, I also know as a woman I am biologically programmed to seek security.  From a purely biological standpoint, I want this dude to stick around and father my child I guess.  And when I find out that he's not that into that, I lose my sense of security, lose my sense of trust, and WHAMM-O!  Bye bye friendship!

So there ya go!  There is my highly scientific and highly researched theory on why friends with benefits is never ever going to work.  

P.S. I would love to hear from you if you've actually made a relationship like this work.  Or if you managed to stay friends.  Or if you ended up together.  So if you have a story, please email me at extravirginoliveoyl@gmail.com